So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Randomize
