Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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