Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
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