some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
why do cheetos always look like penises
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
