this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
