Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
