We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
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