so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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