how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
