I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Randomize
