tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
