what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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