I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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