i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
