If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
