She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
