I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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