haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
