allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
