Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
