In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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