I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
