bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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