he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
