on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
