He had one of those small greek statue penises
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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