I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
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