I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
