I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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