I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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