He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
