he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Can I color on your dick again?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
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