ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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