We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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