I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
