he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Randomize
