I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
