Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
