You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
