There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
