Duck Duck Cougar?
im six kinds of drunk right now
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
