My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
