The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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