Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
