Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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