i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
