How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
