I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
