I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
