i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I wish I only lived at night.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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