Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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