Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
