That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
