I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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