We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
