Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
