Where did you get a picture of my penis
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
