your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I like to think it a success when the cops are called
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
