I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
You may now shotgun with the bride
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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